I wish my penis had an off switch
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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