Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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