She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
