You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
