I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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