just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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