I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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