She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
