this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sext me about skeletons
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
