I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
