Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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