I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
