I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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