this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I sprained my soul last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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