I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
