she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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