You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
