He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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