I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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