chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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