I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
