Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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