So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
