So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
