May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
