But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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