it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
