This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
