so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
