what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize