I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
