I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
