i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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