This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
