sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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