end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
