well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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