I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
