I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
