i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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