he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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