Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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