You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
