the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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