OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
