The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Small penises have feelings too.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
