Pants 0. Shit 1.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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