Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please, let me fuck your mom
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
