he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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