I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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