now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
