I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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