i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Randomize
