oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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