Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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