how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
