ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
