In the future we'll all be gay
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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