I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
