gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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