I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
