I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
