My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
