she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
