Got a toothbrush?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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