then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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