i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
