Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
