We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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