You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
