You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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