i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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