I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
