There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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