It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
