having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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