So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize