If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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