You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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