This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
