Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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