is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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