Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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