Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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